Your Coachee just experienced a great change, causing or involving much difficulty, activity, or trouble. For example, grieving, being fired, or suffering from the end of a relationship.
The Values
The Values are basic and fundamental beliefs that guide or motivate attitudes or actions. Understanding the Coachee's Values will help determine what is important to him/her. Values are the motive behind purposeful action. Values are the ends to which we act and come in many forms. Recognise that the core value as a human being is not affected whether you are married, healthy, employed or popular. These things, of course, are nice and important, but they do not determine your intrinsic worth as a person.
Ask your Coachee to think of 3 people he/she admires (friends or celebrities, real of fiction characters, alive or passed away). Then, ask your coachee to write as many attributes for each why he/she admires them. Any overlap? recurring theme? These are likely to be his/her values. What does your coachee think about these attributes? Are they his/her values?
GoMasterCoach app, including Values
The Life Map
The Life Map is an introspective tool that enables your Coachee to look back at past stories professional experiences and key life milestones, highlighting the benefits from each of your experiences and identify any trends in your life.
Ask your Coachee to draw a visual timeline ranking the happiness level for each milestone. Analyse the sources of successes and how he/she managed to bounce back from lows.
GoMasterCoach app, including Life Map
The Change Curve
The Change Curve is a powerful model used to understand the stages of personal transition. It helps you predict how your coachee will go (or has gone) through, so that you can help him/her make their own personal transitions, and make sure that they have the help needed.
Try to understand at which stage your coachee is and adapt your coachee style: listening and letting your coachee vent during denial and anger, giving emotional support during bargaining, and start giving pointers during depression stage.
GoMasterCoach app,
with many tools and programs
Common Symptoms
People going through upheaval are likely to go through these stages:
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Denial: When someone first faces an upheaval (loss, getting fired, losing an important relationship), it’s normal to be in denial and think, “This isn’t happening.”, feeling shocked or numb. This is a temporary way to deal with the rush of overwhelming emotion. It’s a defense mechanism. The style to use here is to simply listen… don’t be tempted to jump in and fix it, don’t offer solutions, and don’t agree with them, just listen. Watch as they move to next stage, where again, you just listen. This can take some time, but you need to let them vent. Patience is often the key here!
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Anger: As reality sets in, the coachee will tend to feel the pain, feeling frustrated and helpless. These feelings later turn into anger. He/she might direct it toward other people, a higher power, or life in general. To be angry with a loved one who died and left the coachee alone is natural, too.
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Bargaining: During this stage, the coachee dwells on what he/she could’ve done to prevent the loss. Common thoughts are “If only…” and “What if…” He/she may also try to strike a deal with a higher power. This is the time of emotional support.
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Depression: Sadness sets in as the coachee begins to understand the loss and its effect on his/her life. Signs of depression include crying, sleep issues, and a decreased appetite. The coachee may feel overwhelmed, regretful, and lonely. You'll probably hear sentiments like: ‘What am I supposed to do?’, or ‘I am not sure of any of this’. The style here is to start giving pointers, start directing slowly and give some context around the way things will look. It is now your role to ‘sell’ the benefits of the change processes, people, future.
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Acceptance: In this final stage of grief, the coachee accepts the reality of the upheaval. It can’t be changed. Although still feeling sad, the coachee is now able to start moving forward with his/her life.
3 Techniques
to Help Overcome Upheaval
Sources:
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The Impostor Syndrome: Becoming an Authentic Leader, by Harold Hillman, Chris Abernathy, et al
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The Mindfulness Workbook for Addiction: A Guide to Coping with the Grief, Stress and Anger that Trigger Addictive Behaviors (A New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook), by Rebecca E. Williams PhD and Julie S. Kraft MA
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Coach's Casebook, by Kim Morgan
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Compassion for All Creatures, by Janice Gray Kolb
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Perfectionism: A Practical Guide to Managing "Never Good Enough", by Lisa Van Gemert
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The Fulfillment of All Desire, by Ralph Martin
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Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment, by Tal Ben-Shahar
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The Disease To Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome, by Harriet B. Braiker