Coaching Cases | Trust Issues

Common Symptoms

Overly suspicious or anxious about others' motives and behaviors
Predicting how people will betray him/her without evidence of betrayal
Belief that others are deceptive or malevolent without evidence
Doesn't like to rely on others
Mistrust that interferes with a relationship
Lack of emotional commitment, intimacy or friendships
Dramatic and stormy relationships
May be seen as self-righteous, impossible to please, or unforgiving
Feeling lonely and isolated

Ways to Work with
‍The Case

The Empty Chair

The Empty Chair Technique helps the coachee verbalise what’s going on, the abstract becomes more concrete. As the coachee takes on the other person’s role, he/she gains insight into his/her own perspective as well as the other person's.

The Coachee faces an empty chair, picturing the person with whom the Coachee is experiencing a trust issue, speaking to the empty chair about the situation, feelings and thoughts. Then, he/she moves to the other chair, responding to what has been said from the other person's perspective, taking on their role. The Coachee can move back and forth several times to continue the dialogue. Meanwhile, you can explore with questions and insights.

Visualisation

Visualisation is a simple yet powerful technique during which your coachee sits in a comfortable position, close his/her eyes and imagine — in as vivid detail as possible the outcome.

Ask your coachee to relax and close his/her eyes. "Imagine yourself in one year. How will you be because of these trust issues? Implications on your family and friends? How will you feel? Now in 5 years.. [similar questions] .. now in 10 years [similar questions]. You see yourself in the mirror. What will you tell yourself?"

Reframing

When it comes to Trust issues, our anger might be inflamed due to relationship issues, we are more likely to close our heart and deteriorate into judgmental, critical thoughts such as “she is such an angry bitch, I can't trust her”. In that moment, we may put the other out of our heart, making them an enemy. As your Coachee is playing negative thoughts over and over in our mind, they become more believable.

Reframing in its most basic form is coming up with a different interpretation of an event or experience. It is a cognitive behavioral technique that helps your Coachee change the meaning of something and therefore change the way he/she feels about it and thus his/her experience.

For example, if a husband is late at a restaurant, his wife can play over and over negative causes for him being late; OR can decide to appreciate the extra free time to look at the menu or do her things. To regularly practice reframing takes a concerted effort, but one that allows for tremendous rewards.

Ask your Coachee to write down

the Situation
the Thoughts about the situation
the Feelings about the situation
Four Alternative Thoughts
Evidence supporting these Thoughts
Feelings post-reframing

The Wheel of Happiness

Pervasive feelings of mistrust can negatively impact a person's life. This can result in anxiety, anger, or self-doubt. Fortunately, your Coachee can relearn to control these feelings. The Wheel of Happiness is an introspective tool to help the coachee visualise all the important levers of happiness in his/her life: gratitude, sleep, nutrition, exercise, mindfulness, acts of kindness, social connections, learn and explore. This helicopter view will allow the Coachee to focus on self-care.

Ask your Coachee to draw his/her wheel of happiness grading for each area, the happiness level today and the targeted level. Analyse which areas have the biggest gaps between the 2 levels (today vs targeted) and reasons why.

View Sources

The Impostor Syndrome: Becoming an Authentic Leader, by Harold Hillman, Chris Abernathy, et al

The Mindfulness Workbook for Addiction: A Guide to Coping with the Grief, Stress and Anger that Trigger Addictive Behaviors (A New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook), by Rebecca E. Williams PhD and Julie S. Kraft MA